đŁ An open letter to all the oversharers at work.
Not to call you out, but, let's self-reflect on what should and should not be talked about at work!
In an offline work environment, and even during work-from-home meetings, it seems like there is always that one person who loves small talks a little too much. Though not a sin, when they turn into a session of oversharing it could be hurtful to the team.
From taking time off productive work, to a negative shift on your personal image, there are many side effects for both the one doing the oversharing and the one in the receiving end. But, there is always a way to redirect the conversation.
The driving force behind the tales
In their conversation on why people like to overshare, Dr. Gary Brown, relationship therapist, and Carolyn Cole, licensed marriage and family therapist, share a few possibilities that lead to the act of oversharing:
An oversharer may also not have a good âinternal censorâ. In these cases, they may not have an ability to âreadâ their audience; typically, they do not have a good sense of boundaries.
When people overshare, they are often desiring very much to connect with someone. Anxiety can be a big driver among people who tell-all, as well as feeling lonely and needing to connect with others.
A person may become an oversharer out of feeling generally inadequate. They often feel the need to share everything that comes to mind to make sure theyâre heard. Some narcissists also fall into this category.
The risk of oversharing in conversation increases as people age. When testing 100 people ranging from 17-84 years old, researchers discovered that the older subjects provided listeners with more irrelevant details than their younger peers.
When debating sharing personal content, the first step is to ask yourself what you are getting out of oversharing; that way, you'll better understand why you're doing it. Learn more about oversharing through Cole and Brownâs conversation here.
The common types of oversharing
There is no concrete definition of what counts as âoversharingâ. It all boils down to individual comfort levels whether a conversation is deemed as a healthy self-discourse or crossing personal boundaries.
That being said, there are a few topics that are prone to birthing oversharers:
Personal finances
Did you just get a huge raise? Did your spouse just inherit Rp500 million? Sharing TMIs can build resentment and drive a wedge between you and someone.
Career aspirations
Sharing too much information about your exit strategy can cause your colleagues to disengage if they donât think youâre in this for the long haul.
Vices
When you share stories of impulsivity, people could start thinking you donât have any self-control. When it comes to oversharing at work, that goes triple for vices.
Outside priorities
Anyone is allowed to have side projects outside of work, but when you whine too much about how overwhelming it gets, people might start to think youâre slacking.
Politics and religion
People are really passionate about their beliefs and they tend to be divisive in an office setting. Consider leaving these deeply personal topics for your personal life.
Find more topics that could spark oversharers in the full article here.
The red lights to put in place
Though sharing personal stories at work could be beneficial in terms of building rapport, trust, and friendliness with others, there will be times where you need to put a stop to an unproductive conversation. You could do that by:
Redirecting the conversation
The boundaries can get blurrier with colleagues you have befriended outside work. You could try by saying âHmm thatâs interesting. Iâm curiousâwhat are your plans for next weekâs presentation?â.
Being straightforward
You can be firm but gentle in the conversation by acknowledging what the other person is sharing. You could say âI feel honored that you trust me, but Iâm not sure I want to know this much.â
Reading the room
Each workplace has its own governing assumption of what constitutes oversharing. Default to sharing less when you first join an organization. As you get to know the norms, you can share more.
Read more about how to stop an oversharer and how to not become one yourself here.
Have you dealt with an oversharer before? Or, are you one of Godâs least favorites who have to deal with one every dayâŠ?
Whatever your situation might be, keep in mind the learnings from this weekâs Monday Mavens edition to get you through the overshare-free week ahead!
Let your colleagues in on the insights as well by recommending us to them. Weâd be more than thankful đ