Accept that you will always compare yourselves with others
Hence, here’s what you should do:
Theodore Roosevelt once wisely proclaimed, 'Comparison is the thief of joy,' a sentiment that continues to resonate in our modern society. When you delve into the vast expanse of the internet in search of insights on social comparisons, you will undoubtedly encounter a plethora of inspirational quotes and articles urging you to cease comparing yourself to others.
However, there are two crucial aspects to consider when pondering this advice. Firstly, researchers have identified social comparisons as an inherent element of human interaction, something that occurs almost instinctively. Most individuals possess an innate tendency to measure themselves against others to some degree, and unfortunately, this inclination cannot be readily switched off.
Secondly, scientific studies have revealed that not all comparisons are inherently detrimental. While it may be unfair to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, certain comparisons can ignite motivation and bolster self-esteem. For instance, when students nearing graduation compare themselves to those who have successfully secured excellent job opportunities, it can serve as a source of inspiration, prompting them to take a more proactive approach to their own job search.
Directing Attention to Commonalities
Scientific inquiry into social comparisons reveals that contrasting oneself against someone who excels often leads to feelings of inadequacy. However, an alternative approach emerges from reframing high achievers as role models rather than competitors, placing emphasis on shared characteristics between oneself and these individuals. By focusing on similarities, their success becomes a source of motivation.
For instance, let us consider the scenario of Annisa, an aspiring management consultant, who is training for a case interview alongside her high-achieving best friend, Syifa. Suppose Annisa manages to complete a case while Syifa delivers a notably superior performance when explaining her structure for the case interview. If Annisa fixates on their differences, she might be prone to thoughts such as, "I'm not cut out for the management consulting matrix like Syifa," resulting in a blow to her self-esteem. However, by shifting her perspective to highlight their commonalities and viewing Syifa as a source of inspiration, Annisa could instead think, "Syifa and I train together, and her exceptional performance showcases the effectiveness of our training regimen. This presents an opportunity for me to learn from her success."
When you catch yourself engaging in social comparisons and begin to experience that pang of self-doubt, consciously redirect your attention to the shared traits between yourself and the person you are comparing yourself to. This shift in focus can be transformative, generating long-term benefits.
Establishing Personal Objectives
Although drawing inspiration from others is a natural inclination, it is not imperative to derive your own goals and measures of success solely from these comparisons. Researchers have identified three distinct perspectives through which individuals perceive achievement:
Personal Growth: Assessing success based on individual development.
Avoidance of Failure: Defining success by the ability to evade setbacks.
Outperforming Others: Evaluating success in relation to surpassing others' achievements.
Studies indicate that feelings of inadequacy arise only when success is gauged according to the third perspective, focusing on outperforming peers. Conversely, when success is defined without reference to others, particularly through methods 1 or 2, a contrasting effect emerges: Other people's accomplishments foster a sense of belief in one's ability to attain personal goals. In essence, by setting independent standards of success, the achievements of others can ignite excitement and inspiration, propelling one's own potential forward.
Embarking on the journey of establishing personal benchmarks begins with cultivating the habit of delineating weekly, monthly, and annual performance and learning goals. Performance goals outline desired outcomes, acting as motivators toward their attainment. On the other hand, learning goals emphasize the importance of the process itself, shifting the focus from mere outcomes to internal growth as an integral part of the journey.
Fostering Collaborative Norms
In collaboration with Scott Dust, Jaclyn Margolis’ research reveals that the norms governing a team play a crucial role in determining whether social comparisons have a positive or negative impact on team members.
When individuals within a team are primarily focused on their individual achievements and tend to rely on self-reliance, comparing themselves to a teammate with outstanding accomplishments can evoke negative emotions as they contrast their own perceived lesser achievements. Conversely, when a team is united in their pursuit of shared goals and emphasizes collaborative action, one teammate's success is perceived as a collective triumph, creating a sense of shared accomplishment for the entire team.
To establish a culture of collaboration within teams, it is essential to create an environment where individuals feel comfortable sharing their ideas, trust one another, and where leaders prioritize collaboration over competition.
Diversify Your Role Models
In the words of Jack Welch, the former CEO of General Electric, it is important to broaden your perspective by looking to multiple individuals as role models rather than relying solely on one person: 'You cannot mold yourself into someone else. Instead, aim to create a unique amalgamation of the best ideas that resonate with your personality and style.'
Research supports this notion, highlighting that when individuals identify their career role models, they often draw inspiration from a diverse group of individuals who have positively influenced their professional journey, rather than attributing it to a single person.
Expanding on this concept, it can be beneficial to seek out and appreciate different attributes from various individuals when defining your own personal goals. For instance, you might admire the data storytelling skills of an esteemed data scientist, the persistence of an athlete, the communication abilities of a colleague, and the leadership qualities of a former manager. By embracing and integrating these qualities, you can create a unique composite role model that allows you to learn from others while staying true to your authentic self.
In conclusion, the realm of comparison offers a paradoxical landscape where joy can be both stolen and cultivated. By implementing these strategic approaches, individuals have the potential to navigate this landscape with resilience, transforming comparison into a catalyst for personal growth and accomplishment. Until Next Monday… do not forget to compare yourself with others in a healthy way!