🧑🤝🧑 How many relationships can you maintain at once?
The theory behind relationship-building, how to manage conflicts, and part ways appropriately.
One of the main factors of an effective workflow is the presence of healthy relationships. Whether that be between sellers and clients, colleagues within the same team, or personal relationships created in or out of the workplace.
In order to foster these relationships, we need to first understand the factors that go into building a meaningful relationship, the ways to deal with conflicts without causing unnecessary tension, and to firmly end things.
150 relationships at max?
According to British anthropologist, Robin Dunbar, the ideal number of meaningful relationships one person can have at once is 150. Dunbar’s theory states that:
The tightest circle consists of 1.5 intimates / life partners.
The second tightest would be the “close friends circle”, which has five people in it.
That’s followed by successive layers of 15 (best friends), 50 (good friends), 150 (friends / meaningful contacts).
The outer layers include 500 acquaintances and 1500 of known faces aka people you can recognize.
The research was initially conducted on non-human primates and has since received counterarguments from other scholars, including a few US social networks which proposed the number 290 instead. With the developing trends of social media, things have also shifted as the definition of “meaningful relationships” has grown.
Read more on why different hypotheses could occur in the BBC article here.
Too much of anything is never good
Scientifically, humans can only maintain a certain amount of healthy and meaningful relationships. One of the reasons is that relationships are complex, as they involve more than one multidimensional being. Conflicts are bound to happen, but they don’t always have to end in fights. Author Paul McGee has formulated the 4 questions you need to ask yourself when faced with a conflict, whether with a colleague, a boss, a client, or even a loved one:
What’s going on in their world at the moment?
A little empathy goes a long way. Try to understand the other person’s issues, needs, and concerns at the time.
What’s important to them at this time?
Does the other person need a good listening-to, support, or a bit of a time out?
Am I listening to understand or to defend?
Learn to embrace the gift of the gap: press pause, allow the other person to talk while you listen. Remember that listening to understand does not mean listening to agree.
Have I clearly communicated my perspective?
An important point to note is that people are not mind readers, and that your priorities at the moment might not be theirs.
Watch the full 5-min video on YouTube here.
Ending a chapter without closing the book
When leads turn to dead-ends, it’s important to still approach the situation respectfully. Make sure to end a client relationship without closing yourself off from future opportunities. First thing to remember is to plant a few seeds along the way as to why this might not be an ideal arrangement. After breaking the news, give the client fulsome and honest feedback. It is crucial to show your gratitude for the client’s initial confidence in you, and also recognize any difficulties they may encounter in finding suitable alternative counsel. You can also go the extra mile and follow up with questions about their transitional experience.
Other than clients, most people find it difficult and sometimes awkward to end relationship with colleagues, especially if they’re not the closest of work friends. In your farewell letter, make sure to:
Acknowledge their strengths as well as their weaknesses and their various contributions to the firm.
Keep your message professional and not personal.
Let them know you will be there to help with their job search as considered possible.
Another great way to stay in contact is to include them in alumni activities and encourage colleagues who are personal friends to stay in touch.
Find even more tips, including ways to end personal relationships at work, here.
With this week’s Monday Mavens edition, may you get to manage your existing relationships better, and not be so hard on yourself for not having ‘enough friends’, at work or in your personal life.
Cheers!