🙄 Does feeling inferior stem from jealousy?
Overcoming self-comparison by understanding its root.
Jealousy is an asset of self-development. It actually creates an important part of growth: competition. But endless—and sometimes even unwanted competition could cost us more than it rewards us.
Someone with an inferiority complex, for example, might compulsively have feelings of envy towards others, hence feeling overly guilty for it. This might come from obsessive self-comparison which is mostly conditioned from an early age.
Are you the jealous type?
In her TEDx Talk titled “Befriending Jealousy”, Miss World Vietnam 2019 Linh Luong Thuy divides jealousy in two: Evil Envy and Joyful Jealousy. The idea is that when we feel jealous, we either go the Evil Envy route by trying to sabotage the other person, or we follow Joyful Jealousy’s lead by turning the envy into motivation for ourselves. Going back to its root, being jealous is actually an emotional reaction which is primarily caused by:
Problems with self-image.
Negative experiences with past relationships and/or friendships.
Fear of being abandoned.
Anxiety issues.
Personality traits which make someone prone to develop feelings of envy.
Jealousy is a very strong emotion that could bring danger to others. So much so that scientists have categorized it into three main types:
Reactive. Jealousy that comes from valid reasons, such as diminishing level of trust which fuels one’s jealousy nature.
Suspicious. Literacy critic, Parul Sehgal, explains it best in her TED Talk on Envy, that it values intensity more than accuracy.
Pathological. Stems from someone’s negative thoughts and hallucinations which dominate their mind. It may cause violent and irrational behaviors.
Learn more on the causes and types of jealousy in the article here.
Meet jealousy’s parent, inferiority complex
It can be said that jealousy is one of the many products of inferiority complex. Logically, you get jealous of another person only when you’re insecure about yourself. It makes you consciously—or subconsciously picture yourself as inadequate, or lesser than. Now, feeling inferior is not a disease; it is rather a stimulant to a healthy growth (when it’s moderate). The intense feeling of being inadequate or lacking at something has a few probable causes, such as:
Neglecting, overly critical or shaming parents.
Experiences of bullying, and/or exposure to negative messages in the media.
Low socioeconomic status.
Discouragement or failure when unable to meet goals you set for yourself.
The need for perfection.
There are practices you can do to manage and minimize the uncomfortable feeling of inferiority. These practices include:
Figuring out who you usually feel inferior to. Once you spot the pattern, find at least one thing you have that they don’t.
Practicing assertiveness. At work, start to share your suggestions or concerns and at home, don’t be afraid to share your feelings.
Don't think in absolutes. Inferiority complexes make us think that if one thing could change—if we were smarter, richer, our lives would be great. But it’s not always the case.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Very cliché but very key. See next section of this edition for more details!
Find more ways you can do to get control of your inferiority feelings (and not vice versa!) here.
It’s time to take the wheel
No one can make you feel inferior or small without your permission. It might not be easy to not let people demean you if you’ve been conditioned to feel otherwise, but it’s not impossible. Self-comparison does not always have to bring you down. These exercises compiled by Mestara on Instagram could help with defeating the negative affects of self-comparison:
Self-assessment. Know yourself by acknowledging your strengths, weaknesses, and goals. This way, you’ll focus on your own interests and priorities.
Dig the enemy. If you often feel threatened by others’ achievements, try to have a healthy discussion with them to gain some insights and tips.
Create an achievement bank. A physical list of your achievements could help lift your spirits and put you into perspective of how far you’ve come.
You can’t have it all. Remind yourself not to see someone in a ‘perfect’ light, and know that everyone has their own downtimes too.
Have a strategy and an action plan. It’s time to stop portraying yourself as the victim. Do things on your own terms, with your own deadlines and milestones.
Check out the Instagram carousel post done by Mestara and save it for future reminders here.
If you’re jealous of anyone right now, it better be your future successful self! Start your week right by setting your jealousy gears straight and share this Monday Mavens edition to those who need the reminders 👀
We’ll see you again next week.
Cheers!